Balance: My 2012 Theme

Hi Friends!

My theme for 2012 is BALANCE.  2011 was the year about me.  I felt so lost and crazy that I needed to make steps to a better me.  I did that.  I worked on my creativity, my photography and my health.  I am going to keep up with these things and now this year I am including BALANCE.  I need to figure out a way to do all that I need to do for me in addition to all I need to do as a wife, mother and a business owner that also has a part-time nursing job.  This will be a challenge for sure but one I MUST do.  I need to find that balance between responsibilities and fun.

How do I plan to do this?  I need to declutter; both my house and my brain.  I need to do the one bin for trash, one bin for donate and one bin for keeping through out my home, my emails, my computer files and my brain... not sure how to donate from the last three so they will follow the keep or pitch rule :-)
I downloaded and printed the 2012 Declutter and Organize Calendar found here.  I am not sure it will help but I'm trying it.  I also have a declutter book I've looked at for the past year.. it has great tips I have tried but I need to do more.

I am going to have a set amount of time each day that is for me, for my kiddos and for my husband.  The rest of the time will be divided between house charming, educating myself and my paying jobs.  I also want our home cooked meals to be more varied.  Again, BALANCE.  I must remember to be nice to myself on the days we eat chicken patties or frozen pizza because we were too busy for anything else. {My dad gave me a beautiful 7.25 quart Le Creuset French Dutch Oven for Christmas!!}

I may blog a whiny post at times this year that begs you to encourage me but mostly I hope to inspire you to join me in finding balance.  Fun, Responsibilities, Health, Friendship, Family, all of it.

All right, I have one more thing to share with you.  I hope you enjoy it.  I wrote a letter to a friend of mine from high school.  I write him maybe twice a year to keep in touch since he has NO TIME for social media and therefore I don't know how he is doing :-)  The letter was like a Christmas letter discussing all things in my life right now.  I'm going to copy and paste it just as I wrote it.... imagine I am writing it to you too :-)

Merry Christmas my friend!

I hope you and your family had a happy holiday{s}.  This was our first without mom.... it totally sucks/sucked.  The house is not the same when she's not there, almost empty feeling with constant memories brushing over your skin leaving you a little chilled and longing.  I can't wait until the memories envelope me in warmth and happy thoughts that bring a smile to my face. Amber stepped up and made Christmas lunch which I hadn't even thought about.  She also did a lot of stuff around the house and held it all together.  She is so much more than me.  I wonder if she knows that.

Dad is doing ok, or I think he is.  He is dating again... which is so very weird to me.  I'm still missing mom like crazy, cry when I'm in her house or have a weak moment and here is dad... trying to be happy again.  Logically, I know it is ok and it's the right thing.  He suffered two very long years watching the love of his life deteriorate and finally fade.  When it was over, he was all alone in that house, a home crammed full of Toni.  He needs a constant companion, it's all he knows, he shouldn't be lonely, he can't.  So I'm trying to muddle through that.  He has been gracious and hasn't pushed his girlfriend on us.  I met her and that was all I could handle.  I'm trying not to judge a book by it's cover and trust that dad can make smart choices.  I feel a little bit like roles are reversed and I'm that parent that thinks no one is good enough for their kid only it's my dad!!  :-) As long as he's happy, I'm happy... I'm just waiting for my body to accept it fully.

Anyway, what a way to start a letter... all gloomy, not very holiday of me but I needed to get it off my chest and oddly enough, you are the first person I've talked about it with! {well, typed it with?... you know what I mean}

Did you delete your aol account?  It was sending me Viagra emails and other enhancements.  Just thought you should know :-)

I'm in the midst of trying to do too much.  I've taken on my own photography business.  Here is the link. http://towlerphotography.com/  I am still trying to decide what my brand will be.  Making final decisions on colors and fonts and layouts.  It's a task!!  I'm doing this part time in hopes that I will become a better photographer and also make a little money to pay for my photography addiction.  So far, it's been a lot of work but still mostly fun.  The hard part is the editing and culling of photos.  I don't really have time to do this when I have so many other responsibilities in my life: house charming, 4 children, a part-time nursing job that isn't really nursing but office work and running errands, oh--and my wife duties :-).... that doesn't include my brains ability to be constantly distracted making it almost impossible to complete anything in it's entirety. Whew!  BUT.... I like taking photos and seeing pretty images and making people happy SO... I don't think I could have NOT opened Towler Photography... it was a nudge from mom--I know she must have pushed me to do it from heaven, what else would cause me to do something this crazy :-)

Scott is busy non-stop with work.  I hope someday soon he will slow down and get to try out some of his fun stuff.  He makes time for hunting and seeing family, time for a family vacation and a nap occasionally but it's not often enough.  I worry the stress of his life is taking years away from him... which means time away from me--not acceptable.  He is looking to change but as you can guess {since we are all in the same boat} it is a slow process.  This doesn't mean he's not happy, I think he is mostly... just stressed.  He loves IT work and problem solving and teaching... he just needs it in a different dynamic from where he is now {managing 30 some people around the world}.  He is an amazing father.. he helps me see the funny things our kids do and he keeps me and my dreaming mind grounded.  He's my tether. I could probably go on and on but I'm guessing you don't want to hear about the mushy stuff ;-)

Maggie will be 11 in April.  She is turning into a lovely lady with a strength I don't remember having.  She is navigating the world of girls, ugh, it is treacherous and I only hope I can be her beacon of light as she finds her way.  I know she can do it but as a mom it hurts to see my baby deal with confrontation.  I can't make it better, only guide her.  She has to decide.  It is so hard!! Anyway, she loves to create {like me so far!} and unlike me at that age--she loves to read!!!  We read the same books or rather, she reads books I have read so I know there isn't anything too scandalous or racy :-) Mostly YA romance and sci-fi even paranormal if it's not too creepy!  This connection is fun.  I love to hear her explain each detail of the book and why she loved it or thought it was cool.  She is amazing to me.  She also started playing the flute this year and volleyball.  Her passion for volleyball will hopefully keep her practicing, add her height to that and she may get to play when she's older.  It's not like when we were young and everyone that joined the team in our small school got to play... you have to have a real talent here in order to make the team.  Cross your fingers for her.  I know she's only in 5th grade but this is when she has to get good!

Will just turned 8!!  He's my squinty-eyed, dimple-grinned boy.  He loves all things Halo.  The kid is really good at video games which I hope leads to a fun life of using hand held technology in the operating room??  or the construction site!  Either way, he will always be my softy... and the big brother that LOVES to terrorize the twins.  He has fun playing with the kids down the street. All the boys put on nerf vests and back packs and head into the "forest" {a backyard ravine with a tiny stream of water and lots of trees and poison ivy} with their guns loaded for fun war games.  I like to think this is normal, I ask other parents with boys if this is normal and they all say YES.  I worry we are creating a bunch of aggressive natured kiddos... I balance it out with lots of hugs, kisses and sweet stories of his innocence and goodness and a few prayers to anyone listening!  He is not a reader like Maggie, he struggles with it a bit but it's coming along.  We find fun comic books to read so it is interesting and funny for him, that seems to help.  Taking the time to sit with him is the most important and one I need to work harder on.  I always seem to be doing something else... Scott and I work as a team and one of us always finds a way to sit each night and read/do homework with all the kids.  Maggie often reads to the little dudes and we sit with Will.  Will does a great job with math and science, he likes these subjects.  He also gets great reports from his teachers that he is quiet and listens in class without causing too much trouble.  He truly is a good boy.

Cade--the best way to describe him would be to imagine the smart, intuitive, silly, funny, curious and sweet side of my dad then squish it all together and put it in a little body, that would be Cade.  He cracks me up and knows exactly when to hug and kiss me {this is almost always after I yell!}.  He comes in a small package but packs a punch!  He is the kid that can't sit and watch a movie b/c he is always moving... he can however play Angry Birds for a very long time! 

Graham--he is different but similar to Cade.  He likes to snuggle and be close to mom.  He comes to our bed in the middle of the night each night.  On one hand, this is frustrating b/c he wiggles and sleeps sideways... on the other, how much longer will he want to snuggle and cuddle and be small?  It's bittersweet.  Graham is almost potty trained {Cade is!!}.  We are working hard on getting to that magic moment where he wants to wear big boy pants!!  Pre-school is helping us with this!  Graham likes to wrestle and dance and sing {so does Cade}.  Graham can also sit and watch a whole movie without moving unless he gets hungry!  He gets hungry b/c he is a picky eater and doesn't always eat his dinner :-)

The twins as a package have been an experience of a life-time.  The surreal fact that I'm a parent of twins making a total of 4 children hits me often and makes me smile.  What a test of patience and parenthood.  I'm doing it, We are doing it... amazing!

I still blog once in awhile.  I hope to be better at it since I do love it.  Time is a factor though and family comes first, always.  {I say that cause I mean it but sometimes I forget it... if I'm being honest... sometimes I just throw up my hands and do something for me!!}  I get caught up in other forms of social media/sharing.  I use Pinterest {an online community of virtual bulletin boards to store ideas and lovelies and share with others} and Instagram {an iPhone community of photo sharing that you can access online now but that only happened just recently}.  These two sites are like fast blogging to me.  Even more fun than fb.  Their ease of use and fast sharing appeal to my time crunch as a working mother.  Right now I'm chuckling just thinking about next year's email to you... wonder what I will be doing then???  Anyway, here is my Pinterest Page: http://pinterest.com/ivest/  Just click on one of my boards and then click on one of the photos and it will be bigger to see.  You can then click on the photo and it will open the link where I found it!!  Here is a place where you can follow along with my Instagram photos. http://followgram.me/inspirationsbyivy  OR http://statigr.am/inspirationsbyivy  I don't know which site is better for following online, so I have both!!   Most all the photos are taken with my iPhone.  You can even comment on my pictures if you want, or I think you can!
I have also been exercising!!  I did a 10 week course at Farrel's.  Back home a similar place is Kosama.  I have before and after photos that I'm not sure I want to share yet.  I was pretty fluffy!  I only lost 8 pounds but I look like I lost 15-20!!  I just changed a good chunk {literally} of that fluff into muscle.  It isn't fun for me to exercise or to find the time but I did it with a friend and now we are still working out but not as often.  That will change after the holidays.  I was and will again eat better--after this holiday break!  It feels good to take care of me.  I don't know why I waited so long....

So, anyway, It took a long time to write this letter!  I drank a cup of coffee, made breakfast--twice, changed poopy pants and answered 1 million questions!  Now we are all going to clean! Actually, just the kids rooms and only for 1 1/2 hours.  Then lunch and a fun activity {painting today.. I think} and then naps where I will do dishes and laundry and tidy up at least the living room, then--a few groceries need to be bought.  Not sure if I will do that or if Scott will do it on his way home from work.  Finally, supper, dishes, baths/showers and family time.  Tomorrow, same story or at least similar!!  It's all about BALANCE which is my new theme for 2012!!  {2011 was supposed to be all about me, and it mostly was *grin*}

I truly hope this letter finds you well and happy.  Please write me back and let me know about you and your family-- I also expect photos since you have no time for social media and I am forced to do old school email communication with you!!  Bwahahaha!  Old school and email.... can you imagine if I had to hand write all of the above?  I don't have spell check or edit and delete in any of my pens or pencils... it would have taken a L O N G time to make it worth reading :-)

OK... ball's in your court!
Love ya
Cheers~Ivy

 As you can see... this was a long letter but my life is too much to write a short letter, or a short blog post!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you ALL!

Cheers~Ivy